You can start your journey of becoming a super hero to your wife by taking off your cape and using it as a towel to dry her feet - that is after you’ve thoroughly washed them. Jesus gave us a great benchmark for leadership in all arenas of life. “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.” (John 13:14) Washing your wife’s feet should be taken figuratively as well as literally. Figuratively speaking, it means to serve her in practical and meaningful ways. It may mean washing dishes, changing diapers, running errands, cooking dinner or any other means of getting your hands dirty to serve her needs around the home.
In your role of super hero, you will be required to place your wife’s interests ahead of your own. Remember, you are the hero! Your objective is to make her day, not your own and to see your relationship in terms of giving, not taking. You give up your opportunities, social events and activities to give her a break, letting her choose the place to eat or watching the kids to give her a night off. The scriptures give us no wiggle room here; we are admonished to “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” (Philippians 2:3) If you find this idea disheartening, consider Jesus who “laid down his life for us.” (1 John 3:16)
While many men look for adventure, woman often seek security. Women like to feel protected, cared for and safe. Your wife’s sense of security will ultimately come from God who provides her daily needs. Your role is to be a co-labor with the Almighty to care for your wife’s spiritual, physical and emotional welfare. Spiritually speaking, you are to model and humbly present God’s Word to her as well as pray for her needs, welfare, protection and growth. Physically, God has put you in charge to make sure the bills are paid on time and the future is planned out accordingly. Emotionally, your wife needs to be able to trust you. A Super-man must be faithful to his wife sexually and emotionally by guarding his eyes, heart, mind and hands from any form of infidelity.
Webster’s defines the word sensitive as “responding readily to small changes of condition or environment.” Most men find it challenging to be sensitive to their wives because we are wired to be “solution-oriented” not “sensibility-oriented”. In other words, we want to fix our wives’ problems instead of feel and experiencing their pain with them. Taking a lesson from Jesus, the great High priest, we need to learn how to “sympathize with (their) weaknesses”. (Hebrews 4:15) Listening to your wife without interruption and letting her know you understand how she feels can go much further in meeting her needs than drawing out the game plan to solve all of life’s dilemmas. Quite often, when we listen first, our wives are much more receptive to our proposed ideas and solutions.
The flip side of our wives’ needs for sensitivity is their need for strength. As much as our wives need us to be sensitive to their feelings and distress, they also need us to be confident in the outcome regardless of circumstances. Men need to provide shoulders that are tender enough for their wives to cry on when they feel their world is collapsing and broad enough to provide fortitude and unwavering courage. Don’t be discouraged, this strength cannot come from you, it can only come from God. “For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy.” (Psalm 61:3) Our faith in God’s faithfulness will be an anchor that stabilizes our households in tumultuous times.
Most women enjoy pleasant surprises. Remember, the operative word here is pleasant. A pleasant surprise will differ depending on your wife’s personal preferences. One wife may consider a surprise camping trip to be a nightmare while another considers it a true joy. Some fail-safe “surprises” (for most women) are flowers and good meals (that someone other than herself cooks!). The idea here is to help your wife escape the monotony of everyday life by showing her some sign of your affection and care. Don’t just assume she knows you love her (although she may), don’t just tell her (although words are important), do something spontaneous (hint: romantic) to show her.
In today’s technological age, we could probably program a robot to perform most of the above tasks: saying the right words, doing the right things, being obedient to the calling. However, our wives want more than a husband who does and says all the right things; they want a friend. God has created every woman as a unique and special person. We are called as men to love their uniqueness and develop a relationship with them that involves laughter, companionship and intimacy. Our wives want to have a man they can converse with as you enjoy dinner together, not just a suitor who pays the bill. Building a strong relationship with your wife will require you to take time to understand her dreams, hopes, desires and expectations and to provide her with encouragement and support.
Every Super Hero needs Super Power
If you haven’t figured it out yet, you really would need to be a Super-Man to live up to every one of these seven character traits. The good news is that God has provided the power of His Holy Spirit for us to be the Super men our wives need. The bi-products of a life that is connected to God’s Son Jesus and the power of His Spirit are “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”. God wants to empower you to possess these save-the-day qualities without limit for “against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22, 23)
Your First Assignment
Every Super Hero needs an assignment, a challenge, a mission. Are you ready for your first one? Come on now, suck in your waist and push out your chest, it’s time for your first adventure. Go find a phone booth, better yet a closet, get down on your knees and ask God to forgive you for every area you’ve fallen short of as a husband. God can transform your contrite heart to make you into the Super-Man your wife needs you to be. It all starts with these magical words, “I’m sorry”. Then, make the same heroic confession to your wife asking her to forgive you for the countless times you have betrayed your Super Hero calling. In producing good fruit with your repentance, you can show your wife this article (unless of course she just sent this to you) and ask her the points she agrees on and where you need to improve the most. Put down all your defenses and listen without interruption. You will learn some invaluable lessons as you give your wife the opportunity to reprogram her Super Hero’s agenda and mindset.
The Ultimate Super-Man
Quite honestly, even when we do our best to be a servant, to sacrifice, to provide security, sensitivity, strength, spontaneity and sociability to our wives, they may still feel that something is missing. Don’t get down on yourself. I know what you’re thinking, “What else do they need now?!” It’s not as much what they need as it is who they need. The truth of the matter is that only one man has everything your wife needs and it’s not you! Even the best man on the face of this earth cannot provide the depths of love that will fill a woman’s heart. The man your wife needs more than anyone else is Jesus. Jesus is the ultimate Super-Man. You’ll never fail as long as you follow His lead. Our goal, above all others is not only to emulate Jesus in our lifestyle, but to help our wives draw closer to Him for themselves. In fact, a woman who loves Jesus wholeheartedly will have a much easier time loving her imperfect, in-progress husband, Super Hero. Amen.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27)
Becoming a Godly husband may not sound as glorious as leaping tall buildings in a single bound, climbing walls like a human spider or saving the day from the ploys of an evil villain, but it undoubtedly takes a true man, yes a Super-Man of God to do the job. Are you ready for the challenge of becoming a Super Hero in the eyes of God? Here are seven characteristics that define what it means to be a true Super-Man…to your wife.